The Beauty Of...Karen Bachman
What Beauty Means to My 86-Year-Old Grandma
Welcome to my series, The Beauty Of — interviews with wonderful people on the topic of beauty, what it means to them, and how it shows up in their lives. These chats are a sliver of light to cut through the darkness, like a square of sunshine on your hardwood floor or a slice of lemon meringue pie after a hard day’s work. I hope you enjoy!
Meet my Grandma Karen.
She is many things: an artist, a friend, a mother, an explorer, a lover of books, music, and a crisp Diet Coke. Growing up, I would visit her closet and admire her jewelry and colorful scarves. I’d reach into her giant glass candy jar for some peanut M&M’s. We’d curl up on the couch, and I’d listen as she read a picture book in her soothing voice. I loved the way she turned the pages — the whole thing could lull me to sleep.
What has never changed, all these years later, is her warm, bright, and joyful greeting: a big smooch on the cheek and a “Hello, sweetheart!!!” It’s the best.
I loved sitting down with her, Diet Cokes in hand. She’s a special one, G is. You’ll see.
What’s an early memory you have of appreciating beauty?
I would say…when my first child was born. I said, "Oh, my gosh, I can't believe it." That was a moment. It wasn't one with the eyes. It was one with the soul and the heart. All I remember is the wonder of it all.
Describe a beautiful day in eight-year-old Karen's life.
Picking cherries from a cherry tree. We had a little ladder. I loved sour cherries, that feeling of tartness in my mouth, I still crave that. The second memory I have is walking with my friend, Ruthie, through the woods. We were being adventurous, you know, eight years old and going through the woods and ending up down the hill by the pond. We didn't think about poison ivy or snakes or anything. I also loved playing in the haystack — the farmers would blow the hay into a stack outside, and we could jump in that.
How does beauty show up in 86-year-old Karen’s life?
Oh, my goodness. Driving back from swimming [at the gym] during winter, coming over a hill and seeing Mount Mansfield covered in snow…that is a beautiful, beautiful sight. But probably the most impressive thing for me is the sunsets. Oh, I love sunsets. And one time I was driving back from somewhere South, and all that I saw was this orange ball. It was awe-inspiring, but also a little scary at the same time. I could watch the sun set all the time.
Hmm…when I have my family around me, when we can be together and I can just be there, looking at everybody. That, to me, oh, that is…if there were a sunset outside, and my family was inside, I wouldn't be watching the sunset. I'd be watching my family.
When I see somebody laughing, that's beauty to me. For example, when Agustín laughs. When I see a natural laugh, I think that's beautiful.
What's an internal quality that you regard as beautiful?
Sincerity.
Where do you go to witness beauty?
I go where I can watch the birds or the waves, and the water. Anywhere where I can see mountains. Or my family.
Who has taught you the most about beauty?
I don't think you can teach anyone about beauty. It’s individual. If you grew up in the city, compared to if you grew up in the country, your appreciation will be of different things.
What’s something painful you’ve experienced that has, over time, transformed into something beautiful?
I am very content living by myself, and I have not always felt that way. The men I see are old and grumpy-looking, and I don't want to share my bathroom with any of them. I'm fine with who I am. I'm more at peace with who I am. I can do what I want when I want it, and not be concerned. You realize you can't interfere in other people's lives. I have no control over other people other than myself. And that’s a good feeling, to feel like you have control over yourself.
I think forgiving yourself is important, too, when something doesn't go right. And I've tried to do that…like when my high school boyfriend was killed. I had just gotten back from my honeymoon. I think that was one of the worst moments in my life. I remember telling him that I had moved on, but maybe I hadn't moved on. And the fact that he died made me feel guilty. And sometimes you just have to live with that guilt and forgive yourself. I mean, he drank while he was drinking. Those were decisions he made. But I thought, “Was he drinking because I got married?” I don't know.
Beauty is...
…what an individual feels in their heart.
Grandma, who is someone who puts beauty into the world that you would like to give a shout-out to?
Anik. Anik has this sensitivity to people. It doesn't matter who they are, if they're her teammates or the people she works for or her family, she understands who they are, where they're coming from, and she's non-judgmental. She just... She reminds me of my brother, Doc. Doc was like that. He was so smart and nobody could beat him at Scrabble. He knew all about the Civil War. He knew about music, he knew about history, and he was never judgmental. He never said, "Oh, this is the way something has to be.” He let people be themselves. And I think Rhea's a lot like that. When she stayed at my house, I found a new bottle of olive oil. I found a Mary Oliver poem on my shelves. I found the heart that you saw on the couch that I hadn't seen. But yes, Anik…she has such an open heart, she has room for everyone.
Thank you for having this conversation with me, Grandma!
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
xo,
Alexa
Loved this!! I was especially excited to read the prompt about 8year old Gram.
Such a gorgeous write-up love!! You're so loving to take the time to wonder about the beauty of G. xoxoxo I love you for that- and for a bajillion other reasons too!! xoxoxoxo