The Beauty Of...Caroline Berg
What beauty means to the fiction writer, former ice-skating diva, and PJ Harvey fan.
Hola! Alexa here. Welcome to my series The Beauty Of…where I interview someone delightful on the topic of beauty—what it means to them and how it shows up in their life. My hope in sharing these conversations is to offer a sliver of light to cut through the darkness, like a square of sunshine on your hardwood floor or a slice of lemon meringue pie after a hard day’s work.
Meet my coworker and new friend, Caroline Berg. I was instantly drawn to Caroline when we met (we work together at a cozy Harlem restaurant). She’s warm, dynamic, and easy to be around. She’s a fiction writer and incoming MFA candidate at Syracuse University (!!!) and enjoys taking Adult Beginner Ballet, learning PJ Harvey songs on guitar, and cooking elaborate dinners.
What’s an early memory you have of appreciating beauty?
When I was little we would visit family in rural Minnesota, and there was this…terribly designed playground. It was made entirely of chrome metal or something and you could really only play on it early in the morning or really late at night because it would get so hot in the middle of the day. But there was something about the metal that was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was maybe six or seven.
How would you describe a beautiful day in eight year old Caroline’s life?
It’s winter. I grew up in Minnesota so it’s super snowy. Putting on a big snow suit and my mom driving me nervously on slippery roads to ice skating practice. And then the whole process of skating and getting hot on the ice, then coming off and putting on my warm boots and my snow suit again and going back out into the snow. Cuddling inside with cartoons and spaghetti. Yeah.
How does beauty show up in your day-to-day as a 28 year old person?
Being able to take care of myself makes me feel beautiful. Like last night, I did so much laundry, took a shower, took the time to actually moisturize my whole body and do my little skin care routine…that’s how I feel sexy. I also feel beautiful when I’m vulnerable. When I take emotional risks and tell people how I feel in the moment instead of second guessing or overthinking. I remember the exact time in my life when I felt the most beautiful—it was about four years ago and it was the first time I told a guy that I loved him. He was ending things and I was like, “well, I love you.” I’ve never felt so beautiful in my life. Being honest with myself (more than even with him) in the face of rejection, it was such a good feeling.
What’s an internal quality that you regard as beautiful?
I have an incredibly vivid inner life. I can watch a whole movie in my head. I get so much enjoyment being alone and still with myself. I feel so lucky to get to live in my own brain for the most part. Everything is very heightened for me and I experience an intense spectrum of emotion. I do a lot of processing on my own terms in silence. What you’re seeing now is someone who likes the way their brain operates, but I had to fight for that and learn to appreciate it instead of feeling like it was a fault or a weakness.
Where do you go to witness beauty?
I like textures and sounds and senses. I’ve done so much work to make my apartment a space that feels like a beautiful use of the space, where I feel comfortable and calm. But also, living in the city, it’s so easy find something interesting or surprising or unexpected—anything that makes you pause and get out of yourself a little bit. There’s always something to see on every street corner. It’s about awareness—how willing you are to have your eyes open.
Who has taught you the most about beauty?
My mom. She was very into ‘no makeup,’ wearing baggy clothes, very focused on her job and community and church and being a developed person. My mom was aware of the way her [external] beauty was weaponized against her. I grew up feeling like the way I looked had nothing to do with me and people who valued my [external] beauty were incapable of seeing who I really was. I fit into so many beauty standards without much effort (I’m skinny and white and blonde), and received (and continue to receive) a lot of privilege from those things, so that’s part of it, too. Being unattached from what I looked like, that’s where my sense of self esteem came from.
What’s something beautiful that was born from something painful?
I’m having a strong reaction to this question…because sometimes things are just bad, some things are just ugly. That’s my honest, first response. And I also think it’s frustratingly true that you can turn things around when you have the support and the motivation. There have been a couple of instances where things have broken me and I’ve managed to find the strength to rebuild myself and define myself outside of the [trauma]. I’ve had a long history with assaults, which has complicated my relationship to my own appearance…leading me to find a way to feel beautiful that is…still safe.
Finish this sentence: Beauty is…
Beauty is…an emotional response. When I experience beauty, it’s a feeling that comes up in me, it’s not something I see on someone. I can see someone and be like, “oh that person is attractive,” or “that sunset is nice…” but there’s a feeling behind it. Even a dirty puddle or a little bird. Beauty is a reminder of the good in life. It’s this sense of ‘everything will be okay.’ That there’s balance to all the fear, hate, and negativity.
Who is someone who puts beauty into the world that you’d like to give a shoutout to?
Can I give you a shout out? You have such a radiance about you. I could tell immediately that you want to put people at ease and that you have this genuine gentleness about you. I mean, we can’t generalize, but there’s a general ethos [in the city] of not having time for anyone or anything. And you have this real steadiness to you that I think is really good for the planet.
I loved my conversation with Caroline so much. I especially enjoyed her reflections on beauty from an internal and external perspective. Understanding that our value is inclusive of everything that makes us us, and not limited to our physical appearance, is a challenge in today’s (and most likely tomorrow’s...) society. But Caroline is doing the thing. Her definitions of beauty rang true for me — beauty is a reminder of the good. And Caroline Berg is most definitely good.
thank you (always) for reading!
xo,
alexa
She IS sunshine! What a sweet write-up love. You and your friendliness- so glad you found each other. She's a keeper. xoxoxo